Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
