i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
