I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
