Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
