we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
