I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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