Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize