so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
