well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My dick has a subreddit
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
