things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
