Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
