she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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