I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
