What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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