Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found a bag of teeth...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
