I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
