Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
