I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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