I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
