dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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