The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
