i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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