Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
