god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
