So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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