Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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