Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
