So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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