i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
