So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
