she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
