im about as happy as oj after his trial
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
