member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
