Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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