Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
