no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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