your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
