I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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