please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
