i already hear my dad disowning me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize