fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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