cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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