you traded sex for a burrito?
do herpes really smell.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
