There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
