I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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