Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize