Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Banned from zoo.
Again?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
