just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
