I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
