yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
