Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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