Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I forget how to act sober
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
