How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
