I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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