census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
