I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
