I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
