You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
