she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
