the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
