i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
