my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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