Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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