hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
