I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize